i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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