I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
