You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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