shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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