No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
