community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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