then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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