garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
