Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
