What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
