there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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