we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
