i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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