I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
