so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
