I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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