today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
