just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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