so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
