What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
