it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
