This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
