I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
