Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
