I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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