I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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