i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
