At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
