Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
