I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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