I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I understand Curling. That high.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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