you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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