At least make sure they are 18
Why
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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