Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
