In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
