The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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