If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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