I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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