I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
