He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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