Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
