Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
