oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
