"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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