sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
