Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
