i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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