i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just gift wrapped bread.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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