my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
