I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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