I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
