dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
