Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
