but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
