How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
